She says: "Are you Korean?"
I say: "Yes! Are you?"
She says: "Yea! I'm FULL Korean."
I say: "Oh ok. Yea my mom is Korean and she raised me."
She says: "So is this your grandmother?"
I say: "Yes."
She says: "Do you speak Korean?"
I say: "Yes. Do you?"
She says: "Yea, I speak FULL Korean. Do you speak it 100%??"
I say: "What does speak it 100% mean?? Um, would you ask me all these questions if I was "FULL" Korean?
She says: "No."
I knew that people would be curious about the name Halmoni when it was chosen for the shop. I knew that people would have questions and comments but I think that it is a little triggering and out of hand. I think it is important that people have questions because it would be something else if I was appropriating someone else's culture with the name Halmoni as my shop. (ps if you didn't know Halmoni means grandmother in Korean. My Halmoni is on the price tags for the merchandise in the shop.)
While she was quizzing me on my Korean-ness I had an internal dialogue with myself. I was going back and forth trying to figure out if it was worth me saying anything. I was worried about her taking what I was saying and flipping it back on me like I was attacking her. I was worried that she might write a bad YELP review about the shop because I stood up for myself and was confrontational.
When I felt like I couldn't be strangled anymore by her words, is when I blurted out,"Would you ask me all those questions if I was "FULL" Korean?" She was puzzled at first so I elaborated for her. I told her that all her questions made me feel uncomfortable. I told her that she should think about the fact that she wouldn't ask a "FULL" Korean the same questions. I told her that she should think about the way she uses the word "FULL" Korean and how that might make someone who is "HALF" Korean feel uncomfortable and triggered.
She finally grasped what I was saying and left in shame but I feel guilt and am groveling as I write this. I didn't want to pass that feeling of shame to her because my intention was to make her see and hear me. I was in the moment so all my diplomatic wheels weren't spinning yet. I just responded with raw feelings and no buffers.
As I write this my hands have stopped trembling and the feeling of guilt isn't so paralyzing. I think I am processing in a healthy way. I am not self loathing. I actually feel stronger...is it because I am practicing healthy boundaries.
Is this what self love feels like?